Toddler sleep problem:
My daughter has just turned one and we have got ourselves into a habit of putting her in our bed in the middle of the night if she wakes. We are keen to try and break this habit even though it is working at the moment and she sleeps well when she is in our bed.
She goes down well at about 7 - 7:30. She has a dummy but I don't feel that is the problem as she loses it well before she wakes. She is waking in the morning at 6:30am and she is having a morning and afternoon sleep. Morning about 9:30 and afternoon at around 3.
Have you any suggestions how to break this habit? It stemmed from an illness about 2 months ago although she has never slept properly through the night. I had a sleep bag and tried to use it again the other night and she kept waking herself up because she was all tangled in it. Also a few weeks back we tried to let her resettle but she screamed for an hour and a half which wasn't much fun when we had to get up for work in the morning. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Our recommended toddler sleep solution:
Thanks for all the extra information about your baby’s sleep. I think you will be able to get her sleeping through the night quite quickly, as soon as you can teach her to settle in bed by herself.
This is because she currently has a sleep association with you, i.e. she thinks she needs you to be there for her to fall asleep. So when she stirs in the night or during a day sleep, again she thinks she needs you there for her to fall back to sleep. And as long as you continue to settle her by rubbing her back or putting her in bed with you, it’s likely to reinforce that she thinks she needs you there with her.
There are a number of things that are going to help you with breaking this sleep association:
Teaching her to settle without you there:
You have 2 choices here – either a gradual withdrawal of you being there while she falls asleep or a settling method that involves leaving her to cry. For either option, it’s essential you do it in her cot and be consistent about her sleeping all night in her cot, every night!
At her age the gradual withdrawal method will involve far less crying but a crying method would probably work quicker. So you will need to weigh up which you are more comfortable with, and whichever you go for, I recommend you be very consistent and stick with your plan until she is sleeping through. It’s also really crucial you use the same technique for all sleeps during the day, and with any waking in the night. If you sometimes put her in bed with you, it’s going to give her a very confusing message about what you expect.
The gradual withdrawal method basically means you slowly get her used to falling asleep without you. So at present she goes to sleep with you rubbing her back. The next step is to slowly move to patting her or holding her hand when she is first in bed, and not until she is asleep. Over a few weeks you will progress to being in the room but not touching her, then not in the room at all when she actually falls asleep.
For more information on all these techniques, I highly recommend the wonderful ‘No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers. This covers a range of toddler sleep issues from age 1 to 6 years, including needing a parent to fall asleep and midnight visits to the parent’s bed. A great investment for any mum of a toddler!!
If you are keen to a quicker solution, and are OK with some crying, you can could consider ‘controlled crying’ which involves settling her for a couple of minutes then leaving the room for a couple of minutes to see if she settles and falls asleep. You increase the times for leaving her up to 10 minutes. For more information on this technique, It’s Time to Sleep is an excellent DVD that demonstrates the technique and answers you questions on how to do this effectively.
For more information, the NZ book ‘The Sleep Book’ covers all the FAQ and how to do it.
So choose your plan for teaching her to fall asleep and stick with it!