The Sleep Store asked:
Your tips please! We have had lots of queries recently about toddler sleep going pear-shaped after baby no 2 arrives! As if you don't have enough to cope with! Have you experienced this & what did you find made a big difference for your toddler?
Our Facebook Community replied:
...with number 2 on the way in a couple of weeks this would be really helpful, been fretting a bit about how we gonna get on
yes we've got a new addition to our family but my son has always been a shocking sleeper and if we go in it makes it worse, if i am correct i can hear him jumping on his bed but if we go in there to tell him off he just laughs at us, so we've had to learn to ignore him unless we hear crying
oh yes, info please, baby #2 coming in five/six weeks.
Routine, routine, routine... keep them doing the same old, same old as much as possible. And give them loads of reassurance about their place in the family. A new baby is a massive change in THEIR world. Mine are only 15 months apart and my oldest went from being our baby, to being our big boy, over night. That's a pretty tough transition for anyone to handle, let alone a 15 month old!
It was consistency for us. Number one stopped sleeping for a while but i just kept putting him to bed. Then after about a week he went back to sleeping. I also put the music on in number two's room to buffer the noise of number one performing as he did not want a sleep.
Yip we too have another baby coming in 8 weeks .... I think my plan is to try and stay as consistent as possible with my son's current routine - daddy takes him up to bed and reads the stories and I try to minimise my involvement knowing I will soon have another to deal with. Its the day sleeps I am worried about!
number one was crap sleeper always has been and i think always will be when baby number two came along when he was 16months old he got better strange huh! i did find that xavier would get up and search the house and check on rico and if he herd him cry he would come in and want to help.. but the only thing that helps it trying to understand how much it must sux for number one it was always about them they didnt have to share you with anyone then after waiting what would have felt like forever they get a crying little blob who cant be played with not too much fun huh! so lotsa cuddles and love and one on one time and remind them how much you still do love them :)
Agree on the music, our youngest still has a CD playing in her room all night, which drowns out any noise from her brother's room (he's an earlier waker) and also the kitchen and bathroom noises that her room picks up on. White noise for the first couple of years (!) and then we finally graduated to calming story CDs. Favs are Guess How Much I Love You and some Beatrix Potter stories.
Someone said to us that for a littlie a new sibling is like your husband moving in a new wife for us!!! It's a change of that magnitude. Our big boy went utterly feral for about the first 3 months after his brother arrived (he was 3). The biggest thing that helped was making sure he had one on one time with his dad and I every day especially just before bed.
my midwife said that to me just the other day about husband bringing home a wife. Puts it in perspective I guess.
Has anybody had 2 really close? Im worried about how my 10 month old will react to her new brother, due in 2wks!
My heart just sunk when I read this lol. Have not heard of this happening so yes some info would be great :)
I don't remember any problems when number 2 arrived. However, number 3 is now 10 weeks old and both Miss 3&1/2 and Mr 2 have had their moments, both had naps yesterday and slept through for the first time in weeks! Plan for the worst and expect the best. Relax and throw all your ideals out the window. Quality time & lots of cuddles when you can (even though you might not feel like it), routine, routine, calming books rather than the exciting ones and just putting them back to bed calmly (as hard as it is!) when they get out. The latest seems to be leaving the hall light on. But if they get out, the door gets shut. Trial and error to see what works for you, but try not to stress about it, it will eventually return to 'normal' :-)
Our kids are 2 and six months, and my son dropped his day sleep a few weeks before baby arrived. I was gutted! but creating 'family rest time' at the same time every day really helped. My daughter goes for a sleep and we do something quiet. my son also started waking up heaps at night when baby arrived, making sure I had some quality time with him during the day made a big difference to how well he slept.
Congrats to all of you expecting number two!!
Just trying to think of other ways we got through. I used to try to immobilise my son while I breastfed my daughter. I was quite an awkward feeder, so found the whole one arm feeding while reading a book with other arm around second child thing just wasn't a flyer for me. Luckily he adores his food and the feed times seemed to coincide with his meal times, with a bit of imagination, so he mostly sat up at the bench in his Phil and Ted "Me Too" with a plate of food while I fed her in peace (he is also the world's slowest eater!). While it seems counter intuitive, the person who needs to work around people is the baby. They don't know any different and the lot of second and third children is wildly different to that of a first child. If you move the first child's world to adapt to the baby, then it's not surprising that the first child starts developing sleep issues.
We didn't have any problems when number 2 came along when my first born was 2 years 3 months with the sleeping. She had a pretty strict bedtime routine and that never changed so she just kept going to bed as normal. She did have a few issues with baby crying and him waking her, but after a few weeks she got used to it. I think it effects toddlers in different ways. My girl might have slept well, but boy did she regress on the toilet training!
I to was told that bringing a newborn into a toddlers home is like your husband bringing a new partner into you bed. Once we were told that, we had a new level of understanding;) consistency is the key, and making sure the boundarys stay the same. Also making sure that you are not overwhelmed with guests gushing over baby, they need to fuss over toddler to. Good luck, its all a phase, and it does NOT last forever.
Oh and our first has white noise still, never woke to baby in night!
we have been pretty lucky (so far), our son was 15 months when no. 2 arrived. We were careful to keep his bedtime routine exactly the same and make no major changes near the baby's arrival. Next big step is getting him out of a cot & into a bed?!?!
Luckily my toddler doesn't wake to baby crying. But he has started playing up at bedtime because we are struggling to keep to his routine. So i think keeping to routine as much as possible helps
we stuck to the same routine.. that was really important. also made sure little miss 19months had her new big bed in her room before he arrived. a few speed bumps at the start but now she is in her big bed doing great. it was also really helpful to give her special attention while he was down for naps. luckily she has taken a shine to her little brother. keep number one involved as much as possible so they dont feel ledt out.
I would like Info please also im also expecting baby#2 in 10 wks. My son who is 19 months is a fantastic sleeper. He only wakes at night if he sick or had a bad dream. Hoping he stays like that with a newborn in the house and he wont wake and be unsettled in his sleep routine.
Even at 15 months, my son adored playing with my breast feeding pillow and a toy baby. I have photos of him very tenderly feeding his toy baby, Binklebong (glad he's not in charge of names!), and he still takes her for lovely walks in a stroller. One of his favourite books was "I'm a Big Brother Now". We read that over and over again.... you can buy the big sister version too. Now he tells Mums with babies at kindy that he'll swap his sister for their baby!
It is really tricky juggling but keeping their routine exactly the same.. as you did before baby came along... it works it is tough to start with but gets easier... We just made sure one of us was always there to read and do bedtime routine... : )
Having a good night routine and hoping for the best, however 18mths later and we are still srtuggling with no.1. No.2 is brilliant
miss3 started kindy when we arrived that did the trick, plus now she ll sleep through anything lol
We have a 7 year old, 2 year old and a 10 week old. Our 2 year old has always been a horrible settler at night. We worked hard the few months before #3 arrived to firstly adjust the 7 & 2 year old from having separate rooms to sharing a room, adjusting the 2 year old from the cot bed to a normal bed and getting the 2 year old to sleep without one of us having to sit with him until he falls asleep! A consistent bed time routine has been the key, with my husband being the key player. we are proud to say we have come a long way! 7 year old has always been good going to bed, and he still falls asleep straight away even with the 2 year old calling out, turning the light on/off and the odd tantrum, but in a whole, we now have a good bedtime routine and have them in bed asleep at the latest by 7.30/8pm. I am also blessed with a baby who is very settled! By 8.30 we often comment do each other and ask if we actually have 3 children in the house! And we have just this week weaned the 2 year old off his dummy, and the 7 year old from sucking his thumb!!!
Try not to tiptoe around the sleeping baby or shush your toddler or tell them off because "the baby is sleeping", just try to divert their energy elsewhere - if they learn they get lots of attention by playing up when baby sleeps they'll play on it no end (negative attention is better than none in their little world that they now have to share with a sibling).
My two are 15 months apart, my daughter only being 5 weeks at present. My son has woken and cried 3 times overnight, only settling when we eventually took him in our bed. (Which he never normally needs if waking overnight). The first two times he settled straight away when we put him back in his bed as he wouldn't actually sleep in ours. The third time the crying started again. There was nothing we could do to settle him, so we buried our heads under our pillows and left him to it. He must have fallen asleep as we woke before him in the morning. And he still loved us! No harm done! He hasn't had a problem since. :-)
Oh look forward to reading this :) I'm keen to know if we should move mr 24mths to a bed now (#2 due in 3mths) or leave him in cot and move him once we need the cot when baby is 5-6mths
We moved our 23mth old to a big bed a few months before #2 was due so the cot could sit vacant for a number of months before needed in case there were any ownership issues. We made sure bedtime routines stayed the same and made sure #1 always had some special one-on-one time during the day when baby was sleeping. I don't recall any trouble with him sleeping when #2 arrived but it could just be that I was so tired I don't remember?
I had a 17 month gap and it was fine. I actually think the younger the the better as they seem to not be as jealous. Like others have mentioned a consistent routine and helping them know the are still special, helps but a lot comes down to individual personalities. Some may die of shock but my two and a half year old has never slept one night in our bed. She gets cuddles in a chair beside the bed if she needs it (which is rarely) and then is happy to go back to sleep. So much is child dependent. We've never used white noise or night lights or rocking. Just lots of attention during the day and a dark, quiet room at night. To those about to have babies, don't worry It wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be, your toddlers will make you proud, just as mine has.
I do find if I include my son (15 mth gap) as much as possible he behaves very well. He comes into her room to help change her nappy & put her to bed for a nap, holds the lid for mummy when she has a bottle etc. He gets naughty when I try to do things myself and don't include him because he is busy playing. He has changed in 4 short months from a baby to a little boy who understands so much more than you realise.
My toddler has truly amazed us. He was always a terrible day sleeper..refluxey etc but we kept tight bedtime routine. Not only did we move when i was 36 weeks preg. Baby no 2 came at 38 weeks. Diagnosed with Down syndrome,club foot and developed severe bronchilitis at only two weeks old which saw me and baby in Starship hospital for almost 4 weeks. Despite so much change and ongoing hospital appts, our Toddler has been fantastic! Dropped his day sleep sadly but that doesn't surprise me. He nods off in buggy so I just walk them both for a few hours. Consistency and patience are the key I think.
we kept our #1 in the cot, despite putting a big girl bed in her room she just doesn't want to move & we decided there was so much going on to have her sleeping well was most important so left her in her cot. After 2 years of amazing sleeping she started waking numerous times a night from evening to early morning, a star chart fixed this, she got a star when she didn't wake mama & dada up and when it was all full up (after a week or so) she got a pressi. The star charts still going and now she gets stars for going on the potty too. I also have ocean waves white noise in both girls rooms so they don't wake each other up. When she does wake I keep it quick & consistent, its still night time you need to go back to sleep, a quick stroke on her head (no getting up for cuddles or songs etc) and I leave the room & shut the door and she goes back to sleep immediately. I've ended up buying a 2nd cot for #2 and will leave #1 in her cot for as long as she wants it.
My son is having his 3rd day sleep this week... after having no day sleep for the last six months since his wee sister appeared... In fact this afternoon is the first time they've both been asleep during the day at the same time EVER... we tried everything under the sun to try and get him to sleep in the day but in the end it just wasn't worth the effort. Having said that... this week has been GREAT:)